by Erin Meanley, Single-ish, Glamour Magazine, on Thu Jun 3, 2010 12:47pm PDT
Yesterday, my Glamour.com editor suggested I write a list of dating mantras. I agreed, but let’s be honest, I had to look up the word mantra. The O.A.D. says it’s a Hindu or Buddhist devotional invocation. Wikipedia says a mantra is used to create spiritual transformation. So I’m not going to give you a bunch of dating rules or mottos (e.g. “I will respect myself”). Today we are talking mantras.
What would I chant to myself in order to feel happy, healthy, cleansed, centered? Hopefully the mantras I put together below will help give you peace and allow you to put dating in perspective. Because judging from yesterday’s comments, I think a lot of us need some mantras right quick! Right?
1. I can’t control his behavior; I can only control my reaction to it.
So he’s not answering his phone and you don’t know where he is. You cannot put a LoJack on this person and make him answer to you. Nor can you make anyone care for you or love you. You can, however, refrain from leaving 4 consecutive psychotic or mean-spirited voicemails. Take a deep breath, say this mantra, and go for a walk. Once you realize his actions are out of your control, you won’t stress so much and you’ll feel slightly better.
2. I am a human being worthy of love.
Damn straight.
Related: 15 Love Rules for Single Women
3. Everyone is responsible for guarding his or her own heart.
This does not mean, “Put up a wall.” It means, “Be realistic.” You do not know the future. If you make a wedding scrapbook like Andie Anderson did in How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days, well, that was all you. To me, guarding your heart means keeping expectations in check, being responsible for your own behavior, not making excuses for someone else’s bad behavior, and understanding that things don’t always go your way. They can’t—that would be in a perfect world. And if someone is obsessed with you, use this mantra so you won’t worry so much about letting him down. He shouldn’t have made that scrapbook of your future children.
4. Big picture, big picture.
Stop sweating the small stuff and go back to sleep.
5. I’m lucky to be alive.
Had to sneak this one in—this list was getting depressing! But basically, when you’re feeling down about a guy, it’s good to remember how fortunate you truly are.
6. Life never ceases to surprise me.
When someone dumps me or my favorite couple files for divorce, I can either freak out and say, “But I don’t get it!” or I can say, “Life always surprises me”—and pretend I'm all world-weary and like I already knew the drama was coming. This helps me to accept reality, not fight it.
Related: 7 Sneaky Ways to Tell What a Guy Will Be Like in Bed
7. It’s okay to be sad.
It’s a valid feeling. It’s okay to go there, so give yourself permission! You won’t die from sadness. Mourn that relationship and then get back out there and be happy again.
8. I’m taking it one day at a time.
Years ago, when a serious boyfriend broke up with me, my gal pal Melissa told me to take it day by day. She also told me to ask myself every morning, “Can I be happy today?” So I did, and I always answered yes.
9. This too shall pass.
It’s impossible to feel bad permanently.
10. Everything will work out in the end.
Do I know this for a fact? No. Things could turn out horribly. But when I’m 80 years old and possibly miserable, I could say this mantra, and at 82, find a hottie at the seniors’ center and things will have once again worked out “in the end.” Who knows when the end is? But telling myself this makes me feel less anxious about the future.
11. Serenity now!
Great Seinfeld line.
