What More..

Alone... Have you ever felt so alone and lost that you judt wanted to sleep the rest of your life away? it hurts my heart the amount of bullshit I've been dealing with lately. From the buercacy of the Army to Mike starting his shit again to feeling like a fat loser that no one wants. It hurts so bad this pain I feel. This constant state of purgatory I live in. I can't even begin to start my healing or even looking forward to the future because I have to wait on everyone else. Because I have had to put my life in other peoples hands - the last time I did that... well... I was raped. Sometimes I wish I would have died that night - it would have saved myself and my family a lot of trouble. Because at the end of the day no one cares.

Fear....

Albert Camus:
Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.

Virginia Woolf:
The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.

William Allen White:
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

“Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you.” Unknown

Japenese proverb
Fear is only as deep as the mind allows

H. P. Lovecraft
The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.

"I've developed a new philosophy... I only dread one day at a time."
-Charlie Brown

A Moment

There is a moment... when a look or a touch fills a lifetime of want and need. There is a moment... that changes all the bad to good and all the good to bad. There is a moment... when my blood can run ice cold or my cheeks flush warm with just a glance at you. There is a moment... in your heart when you know. You know that you are better off alone. Living in a just the thoughts of your mind - questioning your own sanity or perhaps your own smarts. But there is always a moment when love conquers hate and there will always be a moment in our photographs where I felt truly in love with you.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I think about you. How our lives could have been so different based on choices - we both made. You chose to marry someone else, I chose to trust the wrong person. And what it could have been like had we had not made those choices and just loved eachother.

I have discovered it's going to be a long time before I'm over you.

Because I'll always love you - I still love you.

Sad thing is I forgive you - but somehow I have to let you go.

Does it?

"If you could hear me, I would say that our finger prints don't fade from the lives we've touched." Tyler, Remember Me

Remember Me

This movie really touched me and really reminded me a lot about my own life. Reminded me of my Brother, Jason. I've really missed him alot lately.

I was 22.