I wish I could..

I wish I could find it deep down in my broken heart to forgive you.

I was suppose to come see you come home from Iraq.
I thought the month of January 2010 would be the best month of my life. Having the one person I've truly ever loved back in my life, safe again.

But, no.. it doesn't happen for me this way.

You know what happens?

I get accused of sleeping with your "best friend" Brian Divine - WHICH NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED!

I get told how much of a lying-manipulative bitch your ex-wife or now wife or what the fuck Wendy Graham is to you.

I get told that you want me to be the mother of your children, and millions more lies.

Yes, I'm bitter and angry and sad and depressed and crazy and suicidal and miserable and happy you're gone and sad that we're apart but you know what it all boils down to is that you're not the man I fell in love with. Because, like I've said since August.. If you loved me - truly loved me Heaven and Hell couldn't stop you from being with me right now, by my side until the end of time. However, you've chosen your path and I've chosen mine. And soon enough I will not be constantly surrounded by hopeless, sad, miserable reminders of you or the life I've failed at leading. I will be able to close this chapter of my life.


I wish I could forgive you - but with time I will forgive you and just pity the sad person you've become. I'm just tired of blaming myself for us. For blaming myself for everything that happened. You need to carry some of the blame and guilt. However, for now I'll carry it all and slowly push your actions and consequences onto you.

Perhaps, time will heal all my wounds but for now they are still fresh gaping tears in my flesh.