Just When You Think...

Just when you think life is going good something smacks you in the face like a million bricks. It really is hard moving on, especially when you think you're ready. Am I ready? Maybe I'm not, hell maybe I am but things for my past continue to haunt me. Haunt me, hurt me. They are kind of the same thing right? I see people moving forward in there careers - mine was stolen from me. I see people moving on in relationships - mine was... well.. He choose his friends over me. It's hard for me to connect with anyone anymore. I have some really good friends but it seems like I shut down when things begin to hurt. They really hurt right now. However, I hold it all in - in hopes of either getting over it or maybe it will implode inside of me and the pain will just take the misery away. I quit drinking - I know, for like the billionth time. But it was either continue with the booze and self-destruction or something bad was really going to happen, again. I just don't know what to do. I have an idea of what I want to accomplish in the future - its just executing it. Actually, doing it. Committing myself to a new me. Because I deserve it.