He took me to see a doctor - in which - I went to Yongsan and spent the night in the Psych Ward. I felt awful about going down there - but then I met someone in there that really reminded me that it can happen to anyone. I met a Major in there - she was extremely nice. Basically - she was going through the same stuff I was going through. It was kinda like my "ah-ha" moment. You know that its okay to get help.
However, what makes me so mad! Was when my supervisor picked me up - what did he do... put me on a guilt trip for not calling him. After the chaplain told me he'd get ahold of everyone who needs to know whats going on.
My roommate is kinda looking after me this weekend - its okay I guess. I'm not going to do anything stupid. But I am going to an appointment on monday and I'm gonna ask them if they think I should even be in the military anymore. Because I really hate when I'm at right now. Or hell - even see if I need to go home on some sorta leave or anything.. I dunno.. its like I'm stuck between the rock and the hard place. And if my unit treats me any differently because of all this I am serious going to get a lawyer. This is crazy...
Am I crazy???
I talked to my dad earlier today and he pretty much said that normally people are dealing one of my three problems at a time... but with me... I got all of them thrown on my lap at once. And that God only puts only what we can handle on us.
Sometimes I think God forgot about me...
Dear God,
I'm sorry for whatever I did for you to forget about me.
But please help me... Help me get better.
Help me handle missing Tony. Help me handle missing home.
Help me get through this not having direction within my job.
Help me Let GO...
Just Hold me and Help me.
Love,
Jessica
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