Foolishness

Sitting here for the first time, in six months, in my parents home I have been reviewing some of my past entries. How foolish I was.... How VERY foolish I was. You know, I've gone through a lot of hell when it comes to relationships. I'm so very thankful to be in the most current one now. I think its kinda weird that the same guy who saved me, I met on the day I almost died.

I quit talking to Tony a month ago. I realized how toxic he was. How? Well as childish as it sounds I finally saw how shallow he was. He wouldn't approve my myspace comments and I realized 'Wow! I'm just some big fucking dirty secret you wanna keep from your "cool" friends.' Then once I confronted him, and he basically didn't deny it. I realized how foolish I was. And as time went on... I found out he wasn't going to Iraq.

Sick Fuck.

SICK SICK FUCK!!!!

Who lies about shit like that?? That would be like me lying about being raped. You see where I'm going with this????

How stupid could I have been? Just basically loved the things I did for him instead of me and I was just so sad, so lonely I fell for it.

However, Karma -atleast I hope- or God -I definately hope- has graced me with my miracle. Dory has been my miracle. Basically, putting a mirror in my face saying "Look you are a wonderful person - Fuck'em if they can't accept that!" or in the wise words of Franklin "Fuck Off."

So Tony all I got to say about everything you did to me and did to every girl in your life or perhaps ALL your life... FUCK OFF!!!


I'm sorry I just had to get all this off my chest. Because it hurts. It hurts that someone you thought you could trust could hurt you like that... could watch you die.


I have days before I have to go back to Korea. I don't want to go back. I hate it. But I'm only going back because well for one I have to but for the other reason is so I can finish my time there and be with the other half of my heart in Texas. I'm so madly in love with him. Its like for the first time its REAL.

REAL!!!

Not some bull shit.

And for the first time in my life I am happy and feel like I'm back in control of my life. I feel like I have so much to live for and do. I don't feel like I'm going to die without him. I feel like we are going to be okay when we are seperated; and even more in love when we are together.

Sometimes when I hear the sound of his voice I get weak in the knees. I remember the first time I saw him, I remember the first time I said hello and the first time I said goodbye.

All I have to say to him now is... I love you and You saved my life. You're the miracle I was looking for. The Angel embracing me.