"I'm Going Back To Iraq..."

That is the text message I get just before I was about to go to bed. First thing I did was call him back.

"When?"

He could barely get an Hello out before I asked him this as he answers. Then he laughs that little nervous laugh he gets sometimes and says "Probably within two months of going to Japan."

I thought he wouldn't have to go back again. Why should someone have to go twice?

Its not fair. I would gladly take his place if God would let me.

God.

I'm not real happy with God right now. He's probably not happy with me either. Sometimes I wish I could sit down to coffee with him and just look him dead in the eyes and ask WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? But that would be too easy and there is not easy answer to that question. Because people ask me that question everyday.

Are you alright?

Deep down I wanna answer - No I'm not the fuck Alright.. I have to deal with you assholes ALL THE TIME and I gave up my life to do this. So here I am a year later and 25lbs heavier and I'm miserable. I'm maddly in love with a guy who is so scared of that love that I'll probably never hear from him again (atleast thats my fear) and on top of that he's going BACK to Iraq. So Fuck YOU - Fuck Your War... Fuck The State of The World As It Stands... It shouldn't have to be this way!!!!

But thats not my answer....

My answer is....

"I'm just fine - why'd you ask?"

or

"I'm okay."

I'm not okay....